It was like Christmas

Haddie Bo Bo,Last night your Mimi came over.  Of course we talked about you with smiles and tears.  Somehow I started looking at the pictures on her phone.  I came across all these pictures of you that I had never seen before.  I was so elated!  It was like Christmas.  It was almost like getting

Our baby gone.

Haddie Bo Bo,How crazy is it that I find myself looking at a website for grief support for parents who have lost infants.  How is this happening, Haddie?  Is this my reality forever? Last night was our church group's first big get together since you have passed.  The last one was for your Daddy's 30th

Dear God

Dear God,Today I cry as I do everyday because my sweet daughter has been taken from me.  For whatever reason you chose not to save her so here I am having to figure this life out.  I know I haven't led the perfect life.  I have made mistakes, I have hurt people, I have done

“I’m not sad, I’m happy!” says Elo

Haddie Bo Bo,I know that you know how special your sister Eloise is.  You loved her so much and you showed her by your "Haddie kisses" aka bites, stealing her applejuice, and wanting to do anything she was doing.  I have been worried about her lately and how this is all affecting her.  She knows

My Girls

Dear HaddieWe have some good friends that are amazing cooks.  I am not a great cook I do spaghetti pretty good, but that's it.  So they offered to give me teaching lessons.  So we went down and we cooked together.  They have two beautiful, loving, caring, generous, teenage girls.  They are close in age but

This is what we should be doing

Dear Haddie BO BO,What do I do when I am consumed with grief for you....Sometimes I write to you.  Sometimes I watch a lot of TV to drown out my thoughts.  Sometimes I let it overcome me and I lay down and cry for along time. Today your sister wanted me to push her around

Haddie’s Best Buddy

Dear Haddie,Around the time you were born many other babies in our friends and family circles were being born too.  You had lots of friends very close to your age that you played with.  Especially your buddy Crew.  Crew is about 3 weeks younger than you and you guys were the best of friends.  As

If you must die…

Haddie,So I haven't sold the stroller yet but there is still 1 more day in our sale.  As I was thinking about the stroller some more I remembered the last time you were in it.  It was the week before you left us.  We went for a walk around the neighborhood and you fell asleep.

I’m fighting a constant war in my head…

I miss you, so I look at your pictures.  This makes me miss you more.  I then watch all of you videos and sob through them.  Nothing eases this pain.  Nothing fills this hole.  Nothing makes me less angry. Haddie,  I am constantly fighting a war in my head.  "Is she really gone?" "Was she really

I’m Drowning…

Haddie Bo Bo,I am drowning today.  Everyday there is a sadness that I carry around.  But today I am overcome with thoughts of you.  I am missing you and I am surviving moment by moment.  What can I do to get through this day, this hour, this minute?  It's all I can do to keep